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Married with Children Quotes

If you can't make fun of your family, who can you make fun of? Check out these great lines from the family that doesn't care what anybody thinks.

Have more funny quotes? Share them with other fans on the Married with Children message boards.

"Son, let this be a lesson to you: never do tequila shooters within a country mile of a marriage chapel."
- Al Bundy in null

"Peg, I don't wanna go to our high school reunion. Can't we just forget the good times and get on with our lives?"
- Al Bundy to Peggy Bundy in null

"Feed me, or feed me to something. I just want to be part of the food chain."
- Al Bundy in null

"You can't be this dumb." "I can be anything I wanna be, it's the '90s."
- Bud Bundy and Kelly Bundy in null

"I'm on the edge of my feet."
- Kelly Bundy in null

"Bundys are losers, not quitters."
- Al Bundy in null

"Love, hate... look, we're a family, what's the difference?"
- Al Bundy to Kelly Bundy in null

"The Bundys' proud name was built on a philosophy of lying. Well, lying, owing money and perhaps beer. Yes, lying, owing money and beer. The only thing that separates us from the Kennedys is that they have money."
- Al Bundy to Bud Bundy in null

"Those articles that say married couples have sex every month are just sensationalistic lies perpetrated on the public to sell magazines. It's hooey I tell you, hooey."
- Al Bundy in null

"I tried to get Al to fix the driveway a long time ago. But his philosophy is why improve a home you're only going to live in anyway?"
- Peggy Bundy in null

"What would you like?"
"A nice juicy steak, medium rare, with little brown potatoes on the right side of the plate, ketchup on the left, where some people waste space with vegetables. And for dessert, a roast beef."
- Peggy Bunday and Al Bundy in null

"Peg, kids, get ready to torture me - I'm home."
- Al Bundy in null

"Peg, do we really need Christmas icicles? It's May."
"Well you'll thank me in December."
"Only if you leave me in November."
- Al Bundy and Peggy Bundy in null


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